[It doesn't even take a full second before he bursts out laughing. Least of his worries isn't kidding, and his laughter builds the more he looks at it. It is completely, uniquely terrible, and it may not be purple, but it doesn't need to be.]

He looks like a Greek gladiator got lost at a leather daddy convention and waxed his chest somewhere in the middle. His name's Athrilles and all he needs is someone to wrestle to submission in the arena of his heart. Oh, he tries to put on the tough guy act, but everyone knows he's the sensitive kind. Don't look at my shoulders whispers his spandex mask-cowl combo. The bolted on leather straps say I'm having a bad nipple day. But you can tell he's proud of his thighs.

[The whole thing is delivered through a net of snickers and giggles.]